The Beautiful Struggle?

Hasn't seemed so beautiful latley. It's amazing to me how mood changes perception. For a minute everything got so bright, so vibrant, it shined. But latley stuff's starting to gain back it's old dullness. It's a reflection, but of what? My head, my heart, or my soul? I just want to know where it comes from, this underlying feeling of things NOT BEING OK. So I can attempt to face it. I want off, I want out, I want over it. What ever It is. I want a broken chain and a change that has some staying power. I want a new direction, striaght lines and no more circles.

I am infatuated with circles. The roundness of things; both physical and metaphorical. The inviting warmth of rounded surfaces that beckons you to be welcomed by it. The smoothness of curvature, like skin, the sun, the things we are composed of and nourished by. In stiff contrast of striaght lines and hardend edges. Yet there is the unberable coldness of coming around full circle and finding yourself standing where you started. The archs widen, twists and turns fit themselves in and there are always cracks along the path, but the farther you step back, the broader your view, the more perfect the circle becomes. You've gained nothing but knowledge, a few of life's lessons learned, and knowledge is nothing when you've no power to use it. What's the point of moving forward if you're just bound to get turned right back around again?

I haven't given it all up yet, I'll take back the things I seem to need and hope they provide me enough fuel to get back that 50 percent and start heading in that right direction again, but I'm weakened by the weight of the small but unbelievably heavy little world I inhabit. I'm inclined to think that if I widen it, urge it to grow, I can disperse the burden enough to build the strength I know I'm going to need.

I'm going to need a hand to hold. Any Takers?