I almost forgot...

Sometimes the circles can be good things, too.


I let fear so far in that it became the very definition of self for me. I tried to bury it so deep that it bent and twisted and sprang back as self loathing and doubt. I allowed those feelings to fester for so long that they began to grow like a poisonous fungus – let myself be nourished by it and became addicted. I fed myself on doubt for so long that that I had to surround myself with bad energy just to feel normal. I gave everything I had to the things that would bring out the very worst parts of me, trying to feel whole. I felt my heart collapse and could no longer remember who I was. I let it into every part of me until it had no where else to go and finally brought me home. I may never understand what it takes to lose yourself but I've walked thru a decade of darkness, self loathing, and deceit and come out clean and no worse for the wear. What a strange feeling it is to know yourself. How wonderful and refreshing to reach back to the purest moments of your life and find that they now seem familiar. To know that finding yourself means finding the ability to find release thru desperation. How sweet it is to trust yourself again.

I've found that one of the most beautiful things about life is this:

Just as quickly as all the work you've put in to building your life can come crashing down, the same is true for finding yourself. It takes years to build up walls around yourself and only one moment of truth to tear them all down.

Your foundation is already set. Just sit back and enjoy the view. (And don't forget to breathe.)