Saturday Oct. 4

tomorrow i am going to make myself go for a hike. hiking's never really been my thing, not because i don't enjoy being out but because, well, i'm lazy, out of shape and my muscles don't really get along with the whole steep incline thing. but i need to get out. it beats sitting at home thinking about cleaning. and sure, i could use the sleep, but i would miss seeing miles bouncing along on his daddys back in his hiking gear, which is too cute to pass up. also, the leaves are changing and i can bring the cameras.

i'm really looking forward to taking a photography class. i'm sure it wont cover too much since it's only a 4 week gig (once a week classes) but at least i'll get in some dark room time, learn how to develop my own pictures, may lead to doing some more creative stuff with my prints which would be awesome. i've been trying to remind myself that it doesn't matter if i take outstanding photos, or if they ever get noticed by anyone, or if anything ever comes out of it more than a hobby. i truly love taking pictures, its on a level almost spiritual to me. it's something akin to meditation or prayer, and i need to culitvate that feeling and integrate it into as much of my life as possible. there are so few things in this world that are just yours, that you can enjoy regardless of whats going on with the people you share your life with. these things need to be cherished and enjoyed as frequently as possible. when so few things can be depended upon, these are the things that cannot leave us.

i'm really proud of collin. hes taking steps to be out of the country, and has plans to be gone within a year. i'm completley supportive and at the same time a bit jealous. he has so many of the same goals i had a few years ago and here he is doing so many of the things i never got past thinking about. it got me contemplating all of the things i'll no longer have the option to do. and while i love my life now, cherish my son and wouldn't change a thing-not for a lifetime worth of hopes and dreams-a part of me still mourns for the life i was too scared or preoccupied to to have.

so i guess its just time for new aspirations.


p.s.
MILES IS 9 mo. OLD TODAY!